


i wanna be a virgin pure / a 21st century whore

by angelcult



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Accidental Relationship, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, But very much appreciated, Consensual Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, First Time, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mild blood during sex, Oral Sex, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:27:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29329284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelcult/pseuds/angelcult
Summary: It had started out as a game, that’s what Miya had intended, anyway. He wasn’t ready for his heart to have a different idea in mind, he didn’t know it would hurt so much.
Relationships: Chinen Miya/Kyan Reki, Hasegawa Langa/Shindo Ainosuke | Adam
Comments: 7
Kudos: 100





	i wanna be a virgin pure / a 21st century whore

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to leave the title of a song to listen to, but too many fit so here are some options, or maybe you can even listen to all of them while you read.
> 
> Boys - Beach Bunny
> 
> Dream Boy - Beach Bunny 
> 
> Sports - Beach Bunny 
> 
> Space Song - Beach House 
> 
> bitches broken hearts - Billie Eilish

It’s a game, really, the way Miya dangles his virginity in front of men he’ll never let have it. A dangerous one, at that, but it’s stopped becoming a game he plays with lonely truck drivers who like little pretty things like him, to just  _ one  _ boy who has a whole lot of pretty things but likes him too.

Reki didn’t believe him at first, when he’d told him. 

* * *

_ “I’m a virgin.” He’d said and it made Reki pause, the wrench in his hand stilling as he’d looked up at the boy. He kept his tone light even though his eyes were dark, getting darker with every word. _

_ “No one’s been inside of you? Rape doesn’t count, that-“ Reki made a face, grip tightening. “That doesn’t count unless you want it to.” _

_ That little sentence had softened up something in Miya’s chest, and he nodded, smiling to himself. _

_ “Never, rape or not. But.. thank you.” _

_ “O’course.” And there’s a pause, a gentle little lull in the conversation before Reki’s speaking again. “How do I know if you’re a virgin, then?” _

_ “My hymen is intact.” _

_ “You have a hymen?” Reki asked, finally setting the wrench aside to look at Miya dead-on and the boy considers it a small win in the grand scheme of things.  _

_ “Kind of. Want to see?” _

_ Reki, to his credit, looks uncomfortable at the prospect of Miya getting naked in the garage while he works. The door is locked so that customers can’t get in, but Oka had a key and Reki couldn’t say he wanted to lose his job in such a way. _

_ “Wait. I’ll bring you home.” And then he points to the tattered couch for Miya to sit on before picking the wrench up and it’s like he never put it down. _

_ Miya sat and waited, even drifting off into a small doze before Reki was lightly waking him by rubbing a hand up and down his leg. _

_ “Hey, come on. I’m about to head out.” _

_ “How long’s it been?” Miya asked with a yawn, turning to face away from Reki as he climbed to his feet and stretched, arching his back to pop it as he rose up on his toes.  _

_ “About three hours or so.. Come on, let’s go.” _

_ “Eager?” _

_ “No.” And he wasn't lying, his eyes weren’t heady with lust, perhaps a bit darker than usual, but full of a calm that came naturally and wasn’t forced.  _

_ If Miya looked down, he knew that Reki wouldn’t be hard either. _

_ “Okay.” _

_ They walk to Reki’s place in silence, and he couldn’t stop the anticipation building in him. None of those faceless men knew if he was a virgin or not, they just enjoyed rutting between his thighs, always trying to assure themselves that he was really a fifteen year old, maybe even lying to themselves and saying he was a good few years older to assuage any guilt.  _

_ Reki was different, however, he knew that Miya was fifteen and he knew he was just smaller than most his age. He knew Miya’s wants and aspirations, he trusted him at his back and the feeling was returned. If there was anyone else he trusted with this, it would be crisp and cool Langa, though, his eyes were too heavy on him, the sort of man you have to work your way up to. _

_ Greeting Reki’s mother while he had full intentions of letting her son defile him was an experience he only saw in movies, that he was sure couldn’t be  _ that  _ awkward, except that it was. _

_ It was that awkward and more. _

_ Reki’s room was a mess, spare skateboard parts littered the floor and his bedside table held cans of energy drinks and two tightly closed sketchbooks.  _

_ “Want anything to drink?” _

_ Miya gives him a blank look and the redhead laughs, eyes glowing with mirth as he sits down on the edge of the bed, patting beside himself. _

_ “Come here.”  _

_ Miya climbs into the bed next to him and winces when Reki leans in and kisses him, and that just makes him laugh harder. _

_ “Oh my god.. I just wanted to see- you’ve never kissed anyone?” Miya’s flushed cheeks and embarrassed expression is enough of an answer for him and then he’s pulling away, running a hand through his eternally messy hair. _

_ “You can get undressed. I locked the door.”  _

_ If Reki was anyone else, Miya would have tried to seduce him, would have put on a show and made him watch, but Reki wasn’t anyone else, he was the boy with fire in his eyes who never knew when to quit, who toed the line between friend and foe well, knew when to push and when to be gentle. _

_ “Okay.” _

_ Miya gets undressed, and Reki doesn’t pay him much mind at first, eyes averted before he looks back after all his clothes are gone, and he allows them to sweep over Miya slowly.  _

_ Sitting up, he leaned forward to grab Miya by the wrist and pull him closer, eyes sweeping over him. _

_ “Where’s this hymen of yours anyway?” _

_ “Get me hard and you’ll see.” _

_ They locked eyes and Reki nodded, but Miya stopped him quickly before he could touch his cock.  _

_ “Not.. there.” _

_ Confusion flashed in Reki’s eyes, and then he was pulling Miya into another kiss, this one slow and gentle, sweeping brushes of his tongue and a soothing press of his lips. Slow enough for Miya to follow along, keeping his hands firmly on Miya’s hips, tightening and loosening his grip periodically before he broke it. Glancing down, he smiled softly when he saw Miya’s hardened cock against his stomach and then looked back up at the boy’s flushed face. _

_ “What now?” _

_ Miya actually looked embarrassed now, cheeks darkening as he wrapped a hand around himself and pulled away, gasping in pain when he was too rough. _

_ Reki’s eyebrows raised and then he looked back down, eyes inquisitive as they swept over him. He was hard and flushed, foreskin pulled over the head though Reki could easily see the slit peeking through. _

_ “It’ll bleed if you-if you try to..”  _

_ “What?” Reki’s eyes snapped back up to Miya’s and he shuffled his feet. “Not a whole lot but.. it’ll bleed because I’ve never..” _

_ “You’ve never touched yourself?” _

_ “I needed proof.” _

_ “Proof.. Jesus..” Reki breathed, and now his eyes were really growing dark, something primal in them that was subtle but rapidly spreading. _

_ “Have you ever come before?” _

_ “No.” _

_ “Fucking hell, kid..” Reki rested his cheek against Miya’s stomach, pressing a small kiss to it before looking up at him. _

_ “You want me to deflower you or something? No offense, but I always thought Adam would have been the one to do that, given your history.” _

_ “He doesn’t want me, said I wasn’t the right one or whatever that meant..” _

_ “Yeah, because he’s trying to screw Langa.” _

_ Reki didn’t sound bitter as he said it, just resigned. He kissed Miya’s stomach again and then let his kisses trail up his chest. _

_ “I’ll stop touching you soon, so you can calm down.. but you don’t even know what I want to do with you right now.” _

_ Miya had never been so sorely tempted to find out. _

* * *

It became a little game of their own after that night, when Miya had explained those fun and exhilarating nights of danger, ones that made Reki’s eyes dark and glowering, probably swearing death on those strange men, probably wanting to hurt them in some way. 

After that, he never saw any men like that again, instead, it was teasing Reki under Langa’s watchful eye, it was sitting in Reki’s lap while he worked and grinding until they were both hard and shaking, neither of them getting any relief from it.

One day Langa had walked in on them, stopping in the doorway with wide eyes as he took in the scene before him, lips turned down in a slight frown. He had a bite on his neck, and when he saw their eyes on it, he just shrugged.

“To each their own.” He’d murmured before leaving as if it was a normal thing, and soon it was. 

* * *

Miya’s has crushes before, had people who made his heart beat faster and sent him into a fluster. Reki was worse than all of his crushes combined, he made his hands shake, made his heart beat so fast and hard that it was embarrassing.

When he hugged his pillow at night, he imagined that he was wrapping himself around the redhead, that he was sleeping on his chest. He could smell his cologne, knew what he smelled like when he was stumbling into the shop after having not showered for three days, was familiar with the sweet deodorant he wore. It was like a yearning, deep and painful, a pull in his stomach that made his eyes mist over.

_ So that’s what this is,  _ he realized belatedly after he found himself halfway to sleep,  _ that’s what this is. _

It stopped being much of a game for Miya after that, as he was pulling the pickles and onions off of Reki’s burger because he never ate them, when he took the first sip of his drink, nose wrinkling at the soda.

He knew it wasn’t a game anymore, and he wondered if Reki knew it too.

He wondered about it when Reki made his tea just how he liked it, he wanted to ask when Reki was laughing at one of his jokes or even those quiet moments, where he was holding his sketchbook in hand, twirling his pencil between his fingers. The fear always stopped him, however, the thought of rejection that seeped into his skin and heart when he remembered the way Reki used to look at Langa.

He looked at Langa like he hung the moon, looked at him as if he made it snow in a place that never got enough. 

He hadn’t seen the look in a while, but even the idea that maybe Reki still felt that way stopped him short, every damn time.

* * *

The first thing they did, they  _ really did,  _ was when Reki had pinned Miya to his bed and grinded against his thighs until the older boy came, nose buried in Miya’s hair, eyebrows pinched with frustration and pleasure.

Miya had been shaking with too many emotions to place as he reached up to run his hands through his hair, to soothe him until he was resting flat against him, pressing apologetic kisses to his forehead.

“I should have asked.. I should have asked, I’m sorry.” He muttered, pulling away so that Miya could see his eyes, red like he’d been crying, and his sincere expression.

“What happened?”

“Langa’s his now.”

That’s all he had to say, Miya knew, had known the moment Langa had met Shindō Ainosuke he was his and no one else’s, but he would never tell Reki that, nor would he ever tell him about the unfair surge of excitement it sent through him. Reki didn’t deserve that, no one deserved that. 

“I think he’s been Adam’s for a long time.” Is what he says instead, as if Reki might have had a chance.

“Really?”

“Yeah.. Really.” 

Reki nodded, eyes watering as he hid his face in Miya’s chest, not crying but shaking like he wanted to, like Miya’s hands in his hair and the hand on his back were the only things keeping him together. 

Maybe it was, Reki had loved Langa, loved him like the moon loves the stars and all those sickeningly sweet things Miya had turned his nose up at not so long ago.

His virginity had been a toy, a betting piece, a lure for men with loose morals and dark hearts, but Reki was none of those things.

For Reki, his virginity was like a wedding ring, it was a gift.

“It’ll be okay.. Let’s get cleaned up.”

* * *

Langa smiled more with Adam. 

Miya noticed it and surely Reki did too. He smiled and he laughed when the man was around, he kept him in his place effortlessly, he had him wrapped around his finger and everyone knew it.

Reki, especially, because Langa had him too and he didn’t even know. 

Watching Reki, it was a feeling unlike any Miya had ever known. If love was beautiful and heavy all at once, then heartbreak was agony. More than once, Miya found himself almost drifting back to how he’d been, whoring himself out, being even more reckless, going to men who he  _ knew  _ would hurt him.

The only thing that stopped him sometimes was seeing Reki smile at him, hearing him laugh, the boy was an angel of those inaccurately biblical sort. Even when he suffered for Langa’s smile, even when he cried into Miya’s chest. 

Miya didn’t have anyone’s arms to cry into, but he wished he had Reki’s, wished he had something more.

“I love him,” Reki whimpered, sobbing harshly, his breath catching in his chest, his face red and messy and unattractive but still, he tugged at Miya’s heart. “I love him, I  _ love him.. _ ”

Miya nodded, shushing Reki softly, ignoring how much it hurt. His own love going unrequited and the boy he cared for in pain, in  _ so much pain. _

“He does love you, Reki, just.. not in that way. You know that, don’t you?” It’s hypocritical of Miya to ask, because he asks himself that question every day but it doesn’t make him any less angry, it doesn’t make him happy, it makes him want to scream.

Reki presses his face deeper into Miya’s sweater, breath shuddering and quick, hands flexing and loosening in the fabric. His tears are darkening the fabric and his mouth is a red slash of pain across his face.

“I know but.. it hurts so much, it hurts.”

_ It hurts worse than anything, doesn’t it?,  _ Miya almost asks, because he’s intimate with the feeling, he’s still so raw and open from it. He has to reel it in, instead, he pushes Reki onto his back and slides between his thighs instead.

He doesn’t have much to offer without cutting himself open, but he can give him this, he can give him  _ this.  _

* * *

In Miya’s eyes, this isn’t a happy story. Langa and Adam don’t suddenly fall apart, they don’t suddenly hate each other, instead, they grow together slowly like newly sprouted trees that were planted too close, their desperation and wild edges melting away into something sweeter, something that could last for a long, long time.

Reki saw it too, saw the way Langa would zone out, eyes so soft and fond it was easy to know who he was thinking of.

“Do you love him?” Miya had asked once after Reki had left the room, making sure to catch Langa’s eye and the man blushed, eyebrows softening from the thoughtful expression that been on his face, his pupils dilating and his shoulders relaxed.

Miya knew the answer before he said it.

“I think I do.”

“He almost killed Reki.”

“He could have killed me, if he’d managed Love Hug. Besides,” And there it was, that knowing look, the one that made Langa feel so dangerous.

“You knew that. Take care of Reki, won’t you?” 

Miya looked away and Langa sighed, pushing his hair back with one hand. He looked a little older like that, tired, and Miya had to remember why Langa was even sitting in front of him anyway: his father’s death, the move to escape the grief, the pain that must have followed. 

“I know you.. care for him, and I knew how he felt about me.”

“You knew-“

“Yes, I  _ knew.  _ But Reki is my friend, I wasn’t going to lie to him and lead him on.” Langa explained and Miya had to fight down anger, his own righteousness was biased, after all. 

“You could have told him you knew.”

“I know.”

“He cries.”

Langa paused, something like pain and regret flirting across his face before he shook his head, hair like a halo around his head. 

“I know.”

* * *

With time came change, and the changes were subtle, at first. 

First, Reki didn’t cry so much, he laughed again, loud and joyful, full of that familiar pride and happiness. He still stared at Langa like he was responsible for the rising of the sun and the pull of the tide, but it was less heavy.

It felt nostalgic when Miya saw it, like finding an old toy or a piece of art made years ago, but was still deeply treasured. 

Langa was still in love, that much was clear, but Langa wasn’t covered in so many bites and bruises so often, and if he was, it was where neither Miya or Reki would ever see them. The wedge that had been drawn between the two friends seemed to mend, like a forgotten letter finally being responded to after a long winter of silence. 

It was slow, not as fast as their initial friendship, but slow enough that it felt like falling in love to Miya, and he wondered if Reki was just killing himself in the most painful way he knew how, if he would fall in love with Langa a thousand times over if it meant seeing those pale eyes and that angelic smile.

One day, as they were getting ready to leave, Langa caught Reki by the wrist and pulled him back.

“Can we talk real quick? It won’t take long.” He asked, eyes almost pleading as he looked down at Reki. The redhead fumbled for words before he simply nodded before turning to Miya.

“I’ll be right out.”

He wasn’t right out, in fact, it took twenty minutes before he dazedly left the garage, face red and his eyes hazy with something that Miya couldn’t read. They walked to Reki’s place in silence, both of them thinking though neither of them speaking those thoughts aloud.

It was only as they were taking off their shoes that Reki said anything.

“He kissed me.”

Miya stumbled, nearly falling over as he spun around, eyes wide as he stared at Reki, who was looking down at his socked feet.

“He.. said he talked to Adam.. He said he could date me if I wanted him to.”

“What did you say?”

Miya was ashamed of his relief when Reki shook his head no, eyes filling with tears, too many emotions playing in those expressive amber eyes.

“I can’t do it again, I.. I’m not over him but.. But I can’t love him without thinking about how much it-it  _ hurt  _ not to.” He whimpered, wiping at his eyes before Miya could touch him, but the boy disregarded that as he rested his hands on both of Reki’s cheeks, soothing his thumbs under his eyes to wipe his tears away.

“What did he say?”

“He kissed me after, said.. said that I deserved that, at least, for how he hurt me.”

And Miya wanted that too, wanted a kiss, right against his mouth as an apology for an unrequited love. Instead, he kissed Reki’s forehead, and then laid his cheeks atop his head, slightly taller than him when Reki was still standing in the genkan, and his chest hurt, like a knife being shoved through the bone and viscera and muscle. 

When Miya stepped back, Reki grabbed Miya’s hips and guided him back, biting his lip as he looked up at him. 

“It doesn’t hurt as much as it used to.” Reki whispered, eyelashes still wet with tears, his cheeks still streaked with them.

“How bad did it hurt?”

“Like I was dying.”

Miya knows the feeling, he’d just wanted to hear him say it.

“How much does it hurt now?”

“Like.. Like falling on a trick you’ve known how to land for years.”

It was humiliation, then, and anger and hurt, it was a scrape that would stop hurting if only Reki would stop beating himself up over it. 

Miya knew that feeling too.

“Come up to my room.”

“Okay.”

* * *

It was gentler than Miya expected, Reki’s mouth on his skin, his hands on his hips, his hard cock grinding against him.

“Ah, it hurts-“

“Here, let me..” Reki sat up, reaching down between Miya legs to grab his cock, eyes flickering up to his face before they fell back between his legs and he paused. He pressed a thumb against the foreskin and Miya twitched away in pain, eyebrows drawn.

“Don’t look at me like that- my doctor said it was fine and normal, I just.. needed to do it myself. But..”

“You needed proof?”

“I needed proof.”

“You’ll bleed.”

“Only a little.” 

Reki nodded once, looking back down as he slowly pulled his thumb down, pressure making Miya try to pull away and then there was the feeling of something pulling and he winced again, nose wrinkling in discomfort. 

“Oh, fuck.” Reki’s eyes were wide as he stared between his legs, at the pinpricks of blood that didn’t grow more than that, and then he was biting his lip.

It was a type of intimacy Miya has never experienced, letting someone he loved touch him in the way that lovers do, to be stared at in reverence even if Reki didn’t love him like that.

Reki used the sheet to wipe the blood away, sighing softly in relief when no more blood rose to the surface, and then he pressed a tentative kiss to the head, weary of hurting Miya anymore. His consideration made Miya’s chest constrict with affection and love and- and that’s what love was, wasn’t it?

Giving the thing you wanted so desperately to keep away as a little piece of yourself, like a lock of hair, like one final kiss before storming off into battle.

Or maybe, it was a fragile piece of virginity that wasn’t much of a gift, but still meant too much to just be a  _ thing,  _ worth so much more than a souvenir. 

Reki was feeling those overwhelming emotions too, maybe not on the same plane as Miya, but still the overwhelming knowledge that he had something no one else did. 

“Thank you,” Reki said softly, almost on cue, as he stared up at Miya in something like shock. “Thank you..”

“You’re welcome,” Miya heard himself say when he really wanted to say  _ “you can have it all”,  _ because he wanted to give so much to Reki but he didn’t have much to offer.

Just this.

To further show his gratitude, Reki had pushed some of his wild hair back and went down on Miya, lips wrapping around his prick as he slid down slowly, tongue hot as it curled around him, all the way down to the base before he was lifting his head and bobbing it back down, a steady rhythm that only lasted for a minute or three before Miya was arching his back and coming, crying out as he buried his hands in Reki’s hair, twitching and gasping when he swallowed around him. 

After, when Reki had dressed Miya and they’d done homework, Miya found his eyes drifted to the light spots of blood on the sheet, knowing they wouldn’t be there the next time he came back, the physical proof of what had happened.

He walked himself home, needing to be alone to think, but he found his head worryingly without too much thought other than the simmering knowledge of what he’d just done. 

Knowing that if he could, he’d do it again, and that he’d pretend Reki loved him back. 

* * *

It charged something between them after that, touches grew bolder and more exploratory, once Reki let Miya blow and came fast and hard, fucking the boy’s mouth with little whines and sighs.

They’d kissed after, the taste of Reki’s come still in Miya’s mouth as Reki got him off with his hand. 

It was like gasoline on a fire, pain and hurt, pleasure and love, so deep it felt like Miya was retching up his lungs trying to let Reki go, trying to love him a little less, trying to kiss him a little less, trying to  _ stop feeling  _ just a little more so that maybe when he saw him again, his heartbeat wouldn’t speed up and he would stop dreaming about him at night. 

Instead, the feelings grew, and sometimes Miya could only see their friendship crashing and burning because of it, even when Reki knew just how to make his tea or what the password to his phone was, even when Reki knew which shoe he took off first, so that he could help him stay steady.

Even knowing all these things, he didn’t know the most important of them all, and maybe with that in mind, it was like he didn’t know much of anything at all.

* * *

“Here, I’ll put another in.” Leaning over him, smelling too much like what lust what smell like, Reki looked like sex. Hair a wreck without that familiar headband to hold it back, shirtless, a thin sheen of sweat over his skin. 

Twisting his wrist, he slid a second finger in with too much ease, making Miya arch his back, reaching down to grip his arm even as Reki continued to push them in deeper, spreading and curling them.

His eyes were staring down at where he was fingering him, amber eyes so dark they nearly looked black, flickering his eyes up to Miya’s face when he curled his fingers up, pressing against something that made Miya’s thoughts short out, made his eyes water as he tried to breathe through it, tried not to moan so loud even though they were home alone.

A string of swears left him when Reki started to rub circles into it, eyes darting from one part of Miya to another. His hands as they clenched the sheets between his fingers, his swollen red lips spilling out moans and whimpers, his taut stomach and undulating hips.

It was like he couldn’t get enough, all he knew how to do was make him feel more and more.

Miya sighed loudly when Reki stopped touching him there, but it was short lived as the boy rested a hand on his groin above his hard cock, pressing down to keep him still.

“Reki-“

“Shh.. Just feel it, baby, just lay here for me..” 

Miya’s eyes rolled back when Reki started to  _ actually  _ fuck him with his fingers, fighting to push up even with that hand on him, keeping him still. It was too much, too much but not enough, the overwhelming pleasure, the burn of Reki’s eyes, his own soft panting.

“I wish you could see how much you want this.” Reki whispered, and Miya almost didn’t hear him beneath his own noises. He bit his lip to stifle himself but Reki but shook his head.

“I want to hear you too.”

And then Miya was screaming as his orgasm crested without his cock being touched, his vision blurring with sensitive tears as he panted, gasping when Reki pulled his fingers away, felt the boy’s come spill against his still sensitive hole.

That night, after Reki had went home, he and his mother ate dinner together in relative silence before she spoke.

“Miya?”

“Yes, mom?” He looked up at her and she smiled, that little teasing smile.

“Did you ever plan to tell me you and that Reki boy were more than friends?” It had made Miya blush to realise that his mother must have come home at some point during that, and she’d  _ heard  _ him. 

He hid his face in his hands, shaking his head.

“Mom-“

“Be safe now, you two, I’d love to meet him one day.. Officially.”

Miya had smiled and laughed but he wanted that too, he wanted it so bad.

* * *

Langa and Adam were arguing, Miya could hear Langa’s rushed English as he snapped at the man on the other end of the phone, the angry draw of his eyebrows and the crease between them. His hand was clenched, his lips a thin line across his face.

“Fine,” He snapped in Japanese, his accent coming through his words strongly, obviously angered.

“Fucking  _ fine,  _ but don’t you-..” Langa sighed, put his head in his free hand before he looked up at Miya, giving him a tired smile, avoiding Reki’s eyes even as the boy continued to work. 

“.. Yeah. I know, I’m sorry-.. Yeah.” He hung up, but not before pausing, offering a reluctant  _ “I love you too”  _ and sighed.

“What’s wrong?” Reki asked, almost casual save for the shake in his voice.

“Adam has to go to America for work. He wants me to stay here for school. I know he’s right but,” Langa looked down at his phone, frowning.

“I hate when he’s gone, it’s not like when he’s just at home or his aunts’, he isn’t..”

“He’s not somewhere you can reach?” Reki offered and Langa nodded, sighing.

“Yeah.. Yeah.”

* * *

Their first time, it’s indescribable. 

It’s indescribable in the sense that there’s so many words that describe it perfectly, too many words and feelings interwoven into that one moment. Even calling it a  _ moment,  _ isn’t good enough. It’s an act, a scene from a musical that’s the driving force of it, where everything comes together and makes sense, makes  _ too much  _ sense. 

The heavy weight of Reki inside him, his own muffled moans as he tries to hide them. He’d wished he was lying on his stomach, had been so red-faced and embarrassed when Reki stared at his face as he pushed inside of him. Then, he’d kissed him and all those feelings melted away just like that, and suddenly it felt too passionate to just be sex.

Reki had his arms wrapped around his waist, kissing him slowly and passionately as he thrusted into him. Miya’s arms were wound around his neck, head tossed back as he cried from the sheer  _ everything  _ of it. The gentleness of Reki’s touch, the way he soothed him when it felt like his heart was trying to escape his chest, when he came too quickly between them.

“I’m sorry-“

“It’s okay, shh, just let me.. Let me, fuck-“

They were so close they were sharing each other’s breath, foreheads pressed together as they stared into each other. It was too much, too much intimacy but Miya couldn’t look away, Reki was like staring at the sun, bright and burning and beautiful.

They showered together after, even though Miya’s legs shook with every step. Pride had flashed through Reki’s eyes, knowing  _ he  _ was the one who’d done that.

As he washed Miya’s hair, he’d spoken so softly that the younger of the two almost didn’t hear him.

“I’m not going to just let you go after this. You.. This stopped behind a game to me months ago.”

Miya could have cried, but instead he reigned it in and smiled, though his smile was real too and he nodded.

“Me too. It hasn’t been a game to me for a long time.”  _ It’s been more,  _ he added to himself, and in the steam of the shower and the heat of the water, he felt something between them settle, something uncertain that had no reason to be there. It was something that would probably have festered if they had kept ignoring it, or perhaps it had already started but now they were cleaning out the wound it had infected.

That’s the most painful part, Miya knows, cleaning the wound, but at least it was just a scrape to begin with. 

* * *

Adam was back home, Miya knew the moment he saw that relieved look in Langa’s eyes.

“I hate when he’s so far away,” He’d explained solely to Miya one day. “I hate to know that he could get hurt and I wouldn’t be there to help.”

Miya didn’t know what he’d expected when he saw Reki, but it wasn’t the way he smiled and greeted him with a hug. He didn’t need to see his face to know he was blushing, he could feel it on his cheeks like some stain. It was a pleasant one though, as long as Reki was the one to put it there. 

Langa hadn’t said anything, he’d just hidden a smile behind his hand and waved the two of them off so he could work without interruption.

* * *

The shift had borne more fruit than Miya had expected, it had grown into something wonderful and full of a bursting flavour that didn’t feel like pity. It felt like..

Miya never let himself finish the thought, in fact, he pushed it aside as much as he could in favour of thinking about how Reki tried too hard just to make him laugh, or how he would hold him whenever he could. 

_ Summer heat makes for lovely blooms, _ Miya thought, sitting in Reki’s lap even if he still had a chest full of uncertainty like tangled vines. 

* * *

“Oh shit, I’m late for a delivery!” Reki said suddenly, jumping up from his seat frantically, searching around his messy work space. 

Miya and Langa spared him a glance, used to his forgetfulness. He darted around the room, picking up this and that before he dropped by Miya and Langa.

“I’ll be right back!” He pressed a kiss to Miya’s mouth, leaving so quickly after that Miya didn’t have time to process it, just watched him go with wide eyes.

Langa stared at Miya and then back to the door Reki had left out of, humming softly.

“I take it, that's a little new?” He asked and Miya nodded. Sure, he kissed Reki quite a bit, he had a mouth that was made for kissing, but that felt so casual, like something lovers did and Miya found himself wondering.

The wound felt like it was going to get infected if they didn’t talk soon. 

* * *

There was no planning it, Miya had tried, there was no way to really express what he wanted to say in a way that felt organic until the day it just happened.

“Reki, are we together?” Miya asked suddenly, on a day where they were lazing about in bed together. Miya’s sixteenth birthday was coming up soon and they’d been spending more and more time together.

Reki gave him a confused look before nodding.

“Yeah.. Why wouldn’t we be?”

Miya didn’t say anything, just gave him an absurdly happy smile, one that curled his lips beautifully and made his cheeks glow.

“No reason.”

_ No reason. _

“I.. I love you.” Miya tested further, and Reki’s eyes had gone wide and shiny, a look in them that reminded Miya of a puppy, excitable and proud.

“I love you too.”

Miya laid his head down in Reki’s chest, listened to the soothing beat of his heart and knew that the wound wouldn’t be bothering them anytime soon.

After all, it was just a  _ scrape. _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! You can find me here on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ariaforhypnos).


End file.
